My Ideal Day

0500 – wake up, go downstairs, start the laundry, feed the cat, make a cup of coffee.

0520 – sit down at the computer and work on my podcast, undisturbed.

0645 – finish up work, head upstairs and wake up the rest of the family.

0715 – have everyone dressed and seated at the dining room table for breakfast.

0745 – get the kids upstairs to brush teeth, hit the potty, and get ready to leave the house.

0800 – at the bus stop.

0810 – Cassie gets on the bus.

0815 – Sam and I head out to exercise, either a walk and karate practice or swimming at the Y.

1000 – finished with exercise, showered and dressed.  Heading outside to play for an hour.

1100 – back inside the house to make lunch.

1130 – lunch.  Sam actually eats what I serve her (this is my ideal day, remember).

1230 – sit down with Sam for story time.

1300 – put Sam down for a nap.  She falls asleep the moment her head hits the pillow (again, this is my ideal day).

1305 – 20 minutes of yoga practice and physical therapy for my knees.

1325 – make another cup of coffee.

1330 – sit down at the desk to answer e-mail, handle finances, etc.

1400 – enough with the busy work, time to write for three hours!

1700 – go back in time and take Sam to pick up Cassie from the bus stop at 1530.  In alternate time line, make snacks, discuss day at school, help Cassie with her homework, and the go outside and play for an hour.

1700 again – after re-synching alternate time line with actual time line, head to the kitchen to start dinner.

1730 – husband comes home and kisses me lovingly, nay even lustfully!  Giddy with thoughts of romance, I serve the perfect meal to a couple of happy children who never fight over a red bean bag chair that just so happens to look exactly like the other red bean bag chair that Grandmama bought to keep said two happy children from fighting over the first red bean bag chair.

1830 – dinner is finished.  Husband volunteers to clear the table, do the dishes, vacuum the downstairs and give me a French manicure while I relax on the couch.

1900 – magically transport myself to the dojo where I enjoy a refreshing hour of karate class.  Somehow my aging knees miraculously make no weird crunching noises whatsoever, and I can jump six feet straight up into the air and do a double back-flip for good measure.

2000 – magically transport myself back home (because I would really like to not have to burn gas to get around).  The children are already in bed asleep and husband is waiting in the bed room holding a bowl of Godiva double chocolate ice cream and wearing nothing but a smile.

2400 – after a few hours of quality time with my darling husband, I am refreshed and relaxed and ready to go back to work.  I head up to the office to blog, answer e-mail, and most importantly, cartoon!

3100 – seven fruitful hours later, I have completed my masterpiece.  I post it to the web and await the admiration of my dedicated and enthusiastic fans.

3200 – after three quick encore cartoons for the fans, I retire for the evening.  A luxurious bath, a glass of wine, more chocolate ice cream (which magically has no calories), and I am set for the night.  I may or may not read for a few hours before nodding off.  I expect to get a good twelve solid, uninterrupted hours of sleep so I can wake up refreshed the next morning at 0500 and start the whole routine all over again.

And yeah, that’s my ideal day, which is why it never happens.